cup a joe

Well, it's been a while since I posted.  I got distracted...stuff was going on...so yeah...

A lot has been happening over the past several days...it seems like the Lord is up to something.  More on that later.

I said that I wanted to read more and write more this year.  The writing has fallen off a bit, but I have been keeping up with the reading.  Here are two books that I have recently finished.

Fathered By God: Learning what your father could never teach you - John Eldredge
Typical John Eldredge book in the vein of Wild at Heart.  John writes about the six stages a man goes through to become what God has created him to be.  This book seems like it would make an excellent follow up to Wild at Heart (and I think our men's group may do that later this spring.)  The only issue that I have with it is that it gets somewhat stereotypical.  Here's the problem - I really get the six stages and I fully agree with him that most men need to go through them (and deal with the issues that they present).  However, do we all need to almost die climbing a mountain to fully be a man.  John seems to live a life that most guys only dream about.  I live in the prairies.  The biggest mountain near us is the land fill....it's just not the same (although I could see possibly dying if I were to climb it, but for totally different reasons!)   All in all, a decent book.

Sacred Sex: A Spiritual Celebration of Oneness in Marriage - Tim Gardner
Tim Gardner taught one of the CECL sessions that I was a part of last fall.  Both Cindy and I were very impressed with him, so much so that we bought his book.  I thoroughly enjoyed this book - the only trouble that I had is figuring out who to recommend it to.  The book is written to married couples, and it would be a valuable resource to them.  As I started to read this it hit me that engaged couples would benefit from it.  Then I started to think of some single people...

Tim approaches sex (and marriage) through the concept of oneness ("and the two shall become one").  Sex (and marriage) is designed to be just that - where a man and women come together and become one - thereby demonstrating the image of God.  This is a deep concept that is difficult at times to get your head around.  However, it is very biblical concept - and one that I fully believe would lead to healthier marriages, as well as healthier relationship between men and women - perhaps we would begin to understand each other better and embrace the differences between us instead of allowing them to be points of conflicts.  Excellent book - and I highly recommend it.

There are two other books that I have finished since the first of the year, but it is getting late - more later.

Mark Riddle re-posts something that he wrote 10 years ago on his blog today.  Here is a snippet:

My friends suggest we are all in deeper than we think. We perpetuate all this self-indulgence consumer crap in most of what we do. We ask "what makes our church unique to this city?" as our Ikea-congregations are trying to figure out which local "building-based group of people who call themselves Christians" best represents me as a person, we are well on our way to helping folks categorize themselves away into superficial oblivion. ...I drive a $50,000 Range Rover because I like the idea of being perceived as an outdoorsman, heaven forbid, I drive a mini-van... I own a $375 North Face Gortex though I only ski once or twice a year, it promotes the idea that I'm an outdoorsman... though I never camp... that's what I think of myself.... I go to ________ Church because it will make me a better businessman, and my kids the homecoming queen and football captain. Jesus is a great enhancement into my almost complete life.

You can read the rest of it here.  He asks the question: "Are we pastors or prostitutes?"  I realize that this is a touche subject for some, but I can tell you that his article is something that has been resonating within me for the last few years.  Pastoring has lost its glamor for me.  Years ago, Todd Hunter wrote an article challenging pastors to stop being purveyors of religious goods and services.  Quite frankly, that is what the church feels like it has become.  I know that we have lost people because we do not offer the newest and coolest programs.  I know that we have lost people because the beautiful people of DeKalb don't come to our church.  I know we have lost people because there are better networking opportunities at other churches.  This is not speculation on my part - this is actually what people have told me.  And the challenge is what to do about it.
 
The temptation is to change things.  Get bigger and better programs.  Get rid of (or hide) the difficult people.  Create a marketing campaign that focuses on certain social classes.  But at what point are we sacrificing the Gospel for the crowd?  At what point are we pushing aside the "least of these" for an image of success?  I think the problem comes with the idea that we believe God is made in our image instead of the other way around.  We look at God like He is OnStar.  You call him and he gives you what you need.  Be it directions, gas, dinner reservations, or to help you when you wreak you life.  God serves us.  The concept of us serving God is foreign to most of the people in my culture.  And if God serves us, then the church's main role must be to serve me as well.  Keeping in line with that, if the church doesn't serve me well, then I need to get another one (the church has failed me).  Think I'm being cynical?  Then why is the divorce rate the same for the church as it is for the rest of the world?  I think there might be a correlation there.

This is what makes the job so tiring - and this is also where my greatest temptation lies.  You see, Mark is right in what he said.  The easy way is to be purveyors of religious goods and services.  As Marshal Field once said, "give the lady what she wants."  If I do that I will be successful - I will have a big church - I will be important.  That is the temptation.  But my boss is not my board or my congregation.  They are not the one that I need to make happy.  Last I checked, my calling came from Jesus, not my church.  He is the one that I need to make happy.  He is the one that I am serving.  And sometimes what he wants me to do makes my church happy, and sometimes it does not.  The challenge for me is remembering that he is in charge.

Years ago, I used to watch the show The West Wing.  One of the episodes ended like this.  "I serve at the pleasure of the President."  It choked me up then and it chokes me up now.  Not because I'm a political junkie or have have visions of grandeur, but because it is what my job is about today.  I serve at the pleasure of the King.  I serve at the pleasure of Jesus.  It's not my job to please people or the make them happy.  It is to do what Jesus says to do.  Sometimes that will make me popular and sometimes it won't.  When I remember who it is that I'm serving the job gets easier and much more enjoyable.  When I remember who it is that I'm serving I'm not longer just a purveyor of religious goods and services.  I'm doing what I was called to do.

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I had yesterday off.  We went to Cindy's Grandmother's 86th birthday party yesterday and needed to be in Gurnee by noon which meant there was no chance of me preaching.  Jeff preached - and from what I can tell, the church is still standing.  It's always feels odd when I get a Sunday off.  I never know what to do with myself and my timing for the next week always feels off.


Yesterday was the one year anniversary of what became one of the worst seasons of my life.  There were moments during it all of it that I did not think that we would survive.  It caused me to completely shutdown.  I stopped reading.  I stopped writing.  I stopped leading.  I simply lived on cruise control. 

It has been a year.  That season is over.  It is time to begin anew.

Effective church planters must understand these broad social functions of religious ritual.  However, their primary concern should be to understand ritual as it relates to folk Muslims' perspective of the spirit realm.  In this sense, ritual is "the heart of religious behavior...'the meat which goes on the bones of...beliefs'".  To understand a people's religious ritual is to comprehend what they really believe. (page 178 - italics mine)

 I got thinking about these religious rituals. We may not have the same types of "religious ritual" in our culture as with folk Muslims (although, I have seen and heard of some of this in several contexts here in the states), but we do have ritual's.  It got me thinking about the things that I do, the rituals in my life and how they correspond to my stated Christian beliefs.  Where are the disconnects in my life?  Where am I hypocritical?  I think that last sentence is the litmus test for us.  It's not what we say we believe, it is actions - the rituals of our lives, that truly show our faith..

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It’s New Years which means that once again, I am “resolving” to blog more. But this year it is going to be different. No more “resolutions”. Who actually does “resolutions” anyways? Cindy says that “resolutions” are the things that you stop doing by February. So, I “resolve” not to “resolve” this year. Instead, I’m going to set some goals.

I once heard Dee Dukes say (ok – I heard him three times say this – I’m a little slow at times) that if you want to achieve a goal, you need to write it down and share it with others. I spent some time this morning writing these down in my fancy new Moleskine. But no one other than me sees my Moleskine (and sometimes I can’t even read my own writing!), so I want to put it in ink (electrons?) here and share it with whomever still reads this thing.

1) I want to get healthier this year. Not just go on a diet, but actually start getting healthier. A couple of years ago, Cindy and I did this Dr Oz thing. We cut out High Fructose Corn Syrup, all soda and all white enriched grains (white flour, white rice) and started to eat more whole grains and organic stuff. Amazingly, we lost a lot of weight and started to actually feel better. We fell off that wagon after about nine months and we both feel like it is time to get back on. I also want to start working out again, but I’m not sure how. I’m having some feet and knee problems, so running is out and I’m too poor (ok- cheep) to join a gym or the “Y”. I think I’m going to start waking – although I’m not sure how or when (yes, I still know how to walk – but as the song goes, “baby its cold outside.”) I’m thinking about waling around the worship center – although I need to figure out the distance on that (x laps = 1 mile) – perhaps that is a future math / science project for the kids (isn’t Home Schooling grand?) But it’s not just eating and weight, I want to start taking better care of myself. I’ve been feeling things more now that I’m in my 40’s and it’s starting to get me nervous. I want to be around for a bit longer and I would like to actually enjoy it. I’m not sure what that looks like or what I need to do differently, but I want to spend some time this year and figure it out.

2) I want to read more. I used to be an avid reader. I still have my moments, but I have noticed over the past couple of years that I am reading less and less. I really believe that this has had an adverse effect on me. I am not getting into the word as much as I used to. I am not engaging my brain in theological thought as much as I used to. And I am not exposing myself to good writing as much as I used to. All this could help to explain why I have felt like I’m having vision issues. So, I want to read more – a few books a week. Of course, to do this I will need to restructure a good chunk of my life (hey, this is where that healthy thing comes in!). I’m going to try to keep track of what I am reading here, as well as give some thoughts about each book (somewhat of an accountability thing).

3) I want to write more. I love to write - although looking at this blog, you would never believe it. I do my best thinking while I am writing. I actually feel better after I write! I have a dream of one day actually writing a book. Of course, to do this I need to write something (interesting how that works – being a writer means that I have to write something). So, I want to commit to increased journaling and blogging. Once again, this blog should be a good barometer of that.

4) My fourth goal is all about Cindy and my marriage and relationship with her. I really don’t want to go into detail here other then to say I want to be a better husband and have a better marriage (not that it is currently bad, I just want it to be better – I’m selfish that way.) I written about it in my journal and shared it with my wife. That should be enough.

Those are my personal goals for 2010. I will have some church goals later, but for now this seems like a good start.

Here’s hoping for a good 2010!

Interesting post over at Cerulean Sanctum that has got me thinking. Dan Edelen makes this provocative quote:

If you and I truly stepped out in faith to live the Gospel we say we believe, it may well be that we would have to drop out of the corporate treadmill, suffer a freefall in the company hierarchy, watch our income plummet, and suffer the American indignity of no longer being able to keep up with the Joneses. It may mean we cannot get our children into the fancy private school, the top division sports team, and subsequently fail to send them to Harvard to mint their perfect future. It may mean that we reject consumerism and globalism, returning to a local economy that celebrates community and works to see that no one suffers at the expense of the richer among us, no matter how difficult it will be and what it will cost us. It may mean that we have to let go of long-time friends who suddenly hate our “class descent” and no longer want to be around us. It may mean that we live among the rejected people of the world (as we have become rejected ourselves). It may mean that we rediscover what the Lord meant by “give us this day our daily bread.” It may mean thousands of profound changes to the way we think and live that put us out of the mainstream and make life more challenging, though in the end we realize the challenge is where Christ Himself dwells.

Wow...the article is asking the question: "What would we look like if we really believed the Gospel?" The church has been so enamored with the American Dream that somehow we have blended that dream with the Gospel. It's an interesting point and it has got me thinking.

Have we re-defined our understanding of the Bible to fit our cultural biases? Concepts such as greed and coveting? I'm not suggesting that I am exempt from this question or that I'm not guilty of doing it. But, is our understanding of following Christ more influenced by western culture (and it's definition of success) then by the Gospel?

Hmmm....

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Is this thing on? Hello out there.

I'm preaching on Luke 14 tomorrow. This chapter has been haunting me for the past several weeks. What does it mean to be a follower of Christ? When Jesus says hate my father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sister, even my own life, what exactly is he saying? When he says I need to give up everything does he really mean everything? More on this after I preach.

I've called a members meeting tomorrow to discuss our building. The economy is killing us and things have to change. We need to get our expenses in order soon or else bad things will happen (church by candle light anyone? A cappella or unplugged worship anyone? Anyone?). I wonder if this what is meant by counting the cost? I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little frightened about what might happen tomorrow. It could go well and good things could come out of it, or it could go bad - real bad. If you get a chance, please pray for us tomorrow.

I have so many friends right now struggling with huge decisions. It's really odd. Most of them would not notice that they are dealing with the same thing, but from a distance....from the place where I stand it all seems very similar.

What do we do when we think we are not hearing from God? That seems to be the million dollar question right now. What if I want to follow God, but I'm not sure that I am? We all seem to be looking for concrete answers - solid, unquestionable words. But I'm not sure that God works that way. Think about it. When Jesus told Peter to get out of the boat and come to Him, He didn't really tell him how to do it, He just said come. Consider this: there is the storm going on all around the disciples and they are freaking out, so they look into the distance and they think they see Jesus. They are not overly positive about it(they really think they are seeing a ghost or something.) Jesus calls out to Peter and says come here. Remember, there is this big storm going on. Wind, waves, lots of noise. I wonder what Peter thought when he heard this. Is that really Jesus, or is that my imagination? What did he say? Was that the wind?

It really doesn't matter what Peter thought, because we know what he did. He got out of the boat. Now, here is the part for us. Peter got out, so we too need to get out. No matter where we are there are always storms going on around us. Problems, stress, disagreements, injustice...you name it, they are always there. Those storms make it difficult for us to see and hear Jesus. But you know what, He is out there and he is calling us. All we need to do is respond. To get out of the boat and trust Him...trust that he knows what He is doing and that He will always be there next to us. Even when we mess up, even when we take our eyes off of Him, He is there to grab our hand and pull us out.

So this is to all my friends out there trying to figure out what to do. Trust that Jesus is speaking to you. Follow the passions that He has placed in your heart. Go where He leads you and know that He will always be there, even when friends and family are not.

Thomas Merton once wrote a prayer that has always affected me. I think there is a lot of truth in it and at times I have found a lot of peace in it:

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
And you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Worship is going on right now. I'm in the sound booth...some thoughts....



It was never about the temple....if it was Jesus would have spent more time there. He would have brought reform instead of tearing it down.

It was never about the tabernacle....if it was Jesus would have taught us how to reconstruct it.

It was never about the service....if it was Jesus would have given us a liturgy.

It was never about the songs....if it was Jesus would have given us a book of Psalms.


It was about LOVE....that is what Jesus gave us. And that is what we are supposed to do. It is not about the ceremony, it is not about what we do, how we act, if we dance, clap, raise our hands or even sing...all that is more about us and less about God...instead, it's about how we relate...to God and to each other. Isn't that what Jesus did. Isn't that true worship? True worship is not what we do in the church, it is what we do outside of the church.



Just some thoughts...

A friend of mine from the "other side of the pond" has been prodding me to start writing again. I guess my last post about resurrecting this blog was a little premature. I meant well and I really want to start writing again...I just never seem to have the time to do it. I think it has a lot to do with self discipline, meaning that I need to be more disciplined in writing. (duh!)

I really enjoy writing and it is something that I would love to do. I have had several "words" spoken over me about writing books. I have tried to write books, stories, blogs, journals, etc, but keep running into the same problem...I run out of ideas to write about. I am always amazed and awed by those people who can keep up with their blogs on a daily basis. I currently subscribe to a lot of different blogs (about 130). About half deal with soccer and half deal with theology or church stuff. I also subscribe to a handful of "friends" blogs....blogs by people I know or go to the church that deal with their lives. Of those church and football blogs, about 15 are what I would consider news feeds - almost like a wire service. The other 115 are actually written by people and about a third of them are updated at least once a day (some numerous times a day). A handful of these blogs actually make money...their blogs have become so successful that they can sell ad space on them and actually make some money off of it. (Unlike like the rest of us who have had Google ads on our sites for years but have yet to make a dime off of them!)

I don't have any grand vision of making a living off my blog, but I always thought it would be nice to be able to develop my writing through this medium. There was a time where I was doing it more regularly, a time when I had a small following, a time when publishing houses would ask me to review books. But that time is long gone and I doubt it will return. The age of the blog has come and gone...replaced by facebook, which is now being replaced by twitter. I have accounts on both services but I still don't find the enjoyment of them like I had when this blog was really up and running. I go on facebook to keep track of my congregation. I still have no clue on why I would want to twitter. But there was always something more about blogging.

A friend of mine asked me the other day why in the world would someone want to blog. Why would you want to be that transparent...why would you want to share all of your life on the internet? He gave the impression that those of us who blog are exhibitionists. I can see that (and I have seen that in the blogsphere). I think that is what myspace, facebook and twitter have become. But for me, blogging is different. I was somewhat of a geek in high school. I was not very athletic and I was in the computer club. I dressed exactly like Matthew Broderick in “War Games”. My room at home looked a lot like his (computer stuff everywhere). I was somewhat shy. I never went to dances, missed my prom and never went on my first date until I was a senior in High School (it was a disaster, I was too polite and she went home with a different guy). I was a geek and I hung out with geeks (picture John Cusack in “Sixteen Candles”. Once, for fun, we took a T.V. remote control and snuck up to people’s houses and changed the stations that they were watching to freak them out. If that is not the ultimate in geekness, then I don’t know what is!). But there was one thing that I did do in High School that got me out of my shell. I wrote for the school newspaper. I did stories my freshman year, had a column my sophomore and junior year and was Editor in Chief my senior year. It was what I loved and what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a journalist.

My dad talked me out of it when I went to college. “Journalists are a dime a dozen” he would say. “You should study business so that you can get a job out of college and make some money.” So that is what I did. I have a BS in Finance from DePaul University and I almost have my MBA (we got transferred to Georgia before I could finish it.) I had a job in the business world and I hated it. I now pastor. Pastors are a dime a dozen and we really don’t make much money…somewhat ironic, isn’t it?

I always looked at my blog the same what that I looked at my columns or editorials in High School. Yes, some of me would come out…there is a bit of exhibition there. But that was done so that I could get the reader to think. To get them to consider something and possibly change an attitude or opinion. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes….

That is why I started this, and that is why I always talk about continuing it. The question is not can I do it? The true question is will I?

Only time will tell….

I think it's time to resurrect this blog. I'm taking it back to it's original purpose...general thoughts on theology and life. For my thoughts on things soccer, check out my new blog.

Happy Easter!