It's 12:20 on Sunday morning. Like many nights, I am awake. Lately I find that I do not sleep very well. My mind tends to race. There are so many things that have my concern; that cause me anxiety. Personal issues, family issues, church issues, money issues...the list never seems to end. I went to bed early tonight and starred at my clock for close to an hour. During that time I tried to play the games that cause you to fall asleep. I counted up; I counted down; I thought of peaceful scenes; I thought of theology. None of it worked. I prayed for a bit. Perhaps the Lord wanted me to pray for something, for someone...no one came to mind. I prayed for my family, I prayed for the church, I prayed for my sick wife. Still, no sleep. So I got up and went downstairs.
I poured myself a glass of water. I checked my e-mails. I changed a burnt out light bulb in the living room. I contemplated reading N.T. Wright but the thought of reading some soccer stuff on the internet seemed more interesting. I looked for food but found nothing appetizing so I drank my water instead. I finally gave up and headed back for bed. But first, a stop in the bathroom.
I was looking through a Christian Bookstore flier that was sent to us this week. I am not a fan of most Christian Bookstores. First, they hardly sell books anymore and secondly, what they do sell tends to be junk (in my humble opinion). But it's late and it is either this or a scrapbooking magazine. It is here that I had an epiphany. All my anxieties are found right here in this flier.
Pastoring is one of the most difficult jobs that anyone could ever do. There are pressures coming at you from every direction. Everyone has some expectations of you. The problem is that those expectations are rarely ever defined and they tend to be constantly changing. You pour your life into people only to discover that whatever you've done for them in the past counts for nothing. Friends turn their backs on you. At times it feels like your completely isolated. You share with someone how you feel only to have your words used against you. After awhile you start talking to no one. It is not surprising that many pastors suffer from depression.
The funny part is that the majority of the pastors I know really care about their people. They want to see them grow in their relationship with Jesus. They want to see them walk in all of the things that God has for them. They want to see them set free of their junk. But it feels at times that some of their congregations don't trust their pastors. They are certain that their pastors are holding them back, are judgemental, legalistic, and abusive. I have heard these accusations spoken to me of many of the pastors in this town and I am certain that they have been spoken of me as well. What keeps me going is that fact that I am not here for the congregation...it is not their approval that I am looking for. I am here because of a calling from God. I work for Jesus first and foremost. It is his approval that I am striving for. I realise that I am called to love people, especially the people that Jesus has brought me. But loving them does not mean giving in to their every whim. Do we not rebuke parents for spoiling their children? The same is true for the pastor / congregation relationship.
This is where the flier comes into play. In the past, people were taught by their pastors. They had their bibles and some additional books, but for the most part the local church was their primary source for direction. Today it is a different story. We can download sermons from preachers from around the world. We can watch them on T.V. or on YouTube. We can buy books, go to conferences, or listen to the radio. You name it, we can get direction from a million different sources. I am not against people trying to grow and I don't want to hinder anyone...I'm not looking for a monopoly on teaching. However it seems like the more voices that are speaking out there, the less people have discernment...the less people actually know what they believe.
Here is what I mean. I open the flier, and there are books by a group of teachers that I admire. Most of these individuals are better preachers then I am, they have more degrees than I do, they have been doing this longer then I and they are probably smarter than I am. On the same page are a group of teacher that are better speakers than I am. They are more charismatic, they can gather a large crowd. They speak into what people want to hear. At times I wonder if they are actually teaching the faith. My own charisma, speaking abilities or personality can not compete with either of these two groups. Yet at times that is what I am doing, competing for the hearts of the people in my church. I turn the page.
Now there are a group of books explaining everything that is wrong with the church. How we have sold out and have overly adapted to the culture around us. Or how we are not misional enough and have closed ourselves to the culture around us. How we need additional programs or facilities or a better Sunday experience or whatever. Or how we have completely blown it because we have added the additional programs, facilities or better Sunday experience. Or how we have sold out to the world and become pagans because we meet in a building (instead of a house).
The modern pastor is attempting to balance these conflicting and competing forces that are all around him and are affecting his people. Unfortunately, he has no control over them. There is absolutely nothing that he can do to insulate himself or his church from them. So a typical Sunday looks like this: The pastor comes to church. Someone comes to him and demands that we do something about these unruly children, how he needs to speak to their parents and get things changed. Then someone else comes to him and complains that Children's Church is just to structured, it is constricting the children's ability to grow and truly discover their gifting. Next, someone comes and states that we need to change something in the building because it does not look like a real church, people must think we are a cult (this is a true comment that someone once had. They did not like the stage...real churches don't have stages!). Then another person comes and tells you that we are in sin by the way we do church. We need to sell everything, live with a common purse and meet in our homes. We need to do something about the homeless people, we should open a shelter. We need to keep the homeless people away from here, they smell and I am afraid for my children. Worship is too short....worship is too long. We need to dim the lights, we need more light. Your sermon really touched me but I really hated this part. And, oh yeah, are you pre, mid or post.
Balance on that the stresses of trying to balance the church's finances without appearing greedy. The sense of guilt for taking a salary, for taking a day off, for taking a Sabbath day, for having a life outside of the church. Now add your family to the equation. How do you minister to your wife and your children when you know that if your not careful, the church can become your mistress. The try to remember that your kids need a life outside of the church and ministry or else you risk saving the world and losing your kids.
This is where most pastors live. I am not writing this to vent, but the Lord really put this on my heart. The local pastor is one of the most highly regarded persons in the church but at the same time, the most forgotten. As this being pastors appreciation month, I felt like I need to write something.
Hebrews 13 tells us to remember our leaders, to look at their lives as an example. Most pastors that I know willingly pour out their lives for the church. We don't do it for the pay or the power. We do it because we love Jesus and feel that he called us to do this. Likewise, as we see the local pastors pour their lives out for the church we should pour our lives out for one another. When we begin to do this we tend to take our eyes off ourselves and begin to look at others. We loose the "What's in it for me?" mentality and take on the "What can I do for you?" mentality. Hebrews 13 goes on and says that we should obey our leaders so that things go well for us. This is not about a power trip. This is about the well being of the entire church. James 3 tells us that not many of us should want to be teachers because teachers are held to a higher accountability before the Lord. It is in that spirit that the author of Hebrews is speaking to us. The Lord has called some to lead, and it is not blind obedience that we should give our leaders, but perhaps the benefit of the doubt. We should pray for our leaders. We should bring our concerns directly to them in private. Sometimes it is difficult to see the big picture of what is going on and sometimes we need to realise that there is more to a story then even the pastor can tell us about. But most of the pastors I know would rather talk to you in private, answering your questions to the best of their abilities instead of trying to put out gossip.
Give your pastor a break. He may not preach like the guy on T.V. and the worship band may not be a tight as the group on the record but they are giving all they have for God's glory. You want your pastor to be a better preacher, your worship leader to sing better? Pray for them that God gives them the ability to do it. You will see more fruit from that then by complaining or changing churches. Love the place that God has planted you in. Pray for it. Become a healthy member of it. Bear fruit in itand for it. Do that, and you will find the fulfillment that you have been searching the bookstores for.
This month is pastor's appreciation month. Last week I received a check from a group within my church. It was an answer to prayer for Cindy and I. But it wasn't just the check that made us feel appreciated. It was the attitude of the people who gave it. Remember you pastor this month. Pray for him. Come along side of him. Bless him. Give him a day off. And as Hebrews says: "Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow." And the Lord will bless you for it.
Well, it's after 2:00 in the morning. I guess it's time to get some sleep.
