Monday, July 23, 2012 

Sunday bloody sunday

Two difficult weeks in a row.  Two Sundays, back to back, when I begin to question why we are doing this.  Two Sunday's when the attendance is barely 20.  The tithe is down...way down.  We are back in the red.  I've got leaders speaking in code.  I've got people explaining to me that "god" is telling them that they need to do their own thing and that thing does not include church. I've got bickering, nit picking and complaining.  The church is bleeding and I'm not sure I know how to stop it.

Why oh why does God choose this Sunday to teach me about perseverance?  Months ago I planned this summer series.  It was going to be nice and light.  James - how difficult can that be?  Everything is going on around me and I have to preach on this:
Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
(James 5:7-11)
Cute - right?  I wish I could say that I planned this - but no - this was a God thing (that is the problem with a book series - you never know what is going to be relevant and what isn't.) 

So, what to do.  I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt.  I did a ministry time with preserving through the difficult times and trusting God as the focus and thought "wow, I really need prayer for this!"  But there was no one to pray.

I remember an old Dylan song - "Pressing on".  That's my motto for now.  But I'm tired and I need help.  More later.....

Tuesday, July 17, 2012 

Thoughts about the curse...

Interesting article over at Practical Theology for Women.  Wendy is discussing the popularity of the Twilight series and now the 50 Shades of Gray books.  This quote really got me:
After 3 waves of feminism, countless laws, and much education, there remain millions of women who'd run after the sulky vampire in their fantasies, choosing to suck blood for the rest of their lives rather than living in the light.
 I was writing last month about the concept of a more masculine Christianity.  One of the problems that I have with that concept is what I view as the embracing of the curse (something that I want to expand upon later.)   Wendy seems to see this as well, but of course from the other side.  It got me thinking about what exploitation looks like and how we just seem to think that it is a normal part of society.  More on this later.

Monday, July 09, 2012 

Uggh!!!!

It's been a rough few weeks around here computer wise.  It all started about two weeks ago.  There was this cup of water - and then there was Cindy's computer - and then....well lets just say the two did not mix well.  The water seemed to some how short out her keyboard and make her computer unusable.  Luckily, I was able to get into the hard drive and recover most of her files. But the incident left us one computer short.  Cindy does most of the administrative work for the church, so she needs a computer to do her thing.  Like the good husband I am, I quickly created her a sign-on on my laptop and recreated her desktop on my computer.  Problem solved, we will just share a computer.

Who am I kidding - share a computer in this day and age.  I never realized how dependent I was on my computer.  Yes, I know that I can do a lot on my smart phone but there was so much more that I needed a computer for (like blogging ;) ).  I was going through withdrawal.  I would just sit there - looking at her use my computer.  Envying the time that she had with it - coveting it - desiring it.  It made me batty (did I mention that it was my computer?) I needed to get my hands on a computer and soon!

I figured I had a couple of options.  First, there was that old Dell that I rebuilt as a Linux box a few months ago.  I could use that.  Granted, it was slow and tended to get hung up every 30 minutes or so, but it was better then nothing.  Just for e-mail and writing it should be fine.  The problem was that I put it away somewhere after my last trip - and for the life of me I didn't remember where that was.  I tore my desk area apart, I tore my room apart, I tore the place where I keep all my computer parts apart - no Dell!

It was about here that the shakes started......but wait, there was another solution.  When I rebuilt all of the church computer I created a desktop Linux box.  I could use that!  It even had a lot of power as well.  There was only one problem.  It was set up in Emily's room and she was home from school and living in her room.  I needed to create a place where I could set it up.  So I convinced my wife that we needed to reorganize our family room / piano area / school room and create some "office space" for me.  I quickly got to work and gutted the entire area.  I created a nook for myself and set up the desktop.  A mini office - I was beside myself.  I booted up the computer and set everything up (e-mail, calendar, etc.).  I went to bed extremely happy that night.

The next morning I woke up and went to my office.  I pressed the power button on the computer and.....and.....and.....and.....it crashed.  Something failed.  It would not boot back up!  Tears started welling up in my eyes.  It was not fair.  I went through all the stages of grief.  I was in shock.  This couldn't be happening.  I hurt all over.  What was I doing wrong?  I got mad.  I tried to make deals with God to get me a computer.  And then I just gave up.  I got depressed.  I was disconnected from the world wide web.  I felt alone.  Finally, the weekend came.  I grabbed my computer from my wife and wrote my sermon - complaining the entire time that we needed to figure something out long term.  This was not going to work.  But then on Saturday night, a miracle happened.

My Dell appeared!  It wasn't much, but it was something.  I booted it up and it worked (it's still working, I'm on it right now!)  As I went to the home screen, I discovered that there was a new version of Mint available (Mint 13).  I downloaded it and created a bootable DVD.  Of course, it didn't work on the Dell (processor and video card are way too slow) but maybe it might work on the desktop downstairs.  I put the DVD in (Mint 13 with the Cinnamon desktop) and miraculously - it booted up.  I installed the new operating system and it works (BTW - I've only played with it for a few hours but I really like the Cinnamon desktop a lot).

I know that I am just buying time with the desktop.  I realize that the hard drive is the issue and that I probably need to replace it (the sooner the better).  But at least it seems to be working (along with my old notebook).  So here is where I am as of today:  Cindy is using my HP laptop.  I figure as long as the Linux machines are working, I only need it to sync my iPod every week or so.  I think I can do most of my writing and e-mail on the Dell Inspiron 600m laptop (running Linux Mint 12 LXDE) and the more complicated stuff on the Desktop (running Linux Mint 13 Cinnamon).  I'll need to get used to using LibreOffice but that shouldn't be much of an issue.  But what I really need to do is pray that everything stays up and running - and keep those cups of water far away!!!

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