Two difficult weeks in a row. Two Sundays, back to back, when I begin to question why we are doing this. Two Sunday's when the attendance is barely 20. The tithe is down...way down. We are back in the red. I've got leaders speaking in code. I've got people explaining to me that "god" is telling them that they need to do their own thing and that thing does not include church. I've got bickering, nit picking and complaining. The church is bleeding and I'm not sure I know how to stop it.
Why oh why does God choose this Sunday to teach me about perseverance? Months ago I planned this summer series. It was going to be nice and light. James - how difficult can that be? Everything is going on around me and I have to preach on this:
Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door! Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
(James 5:7-11)
Cute - right? I wish I could say that I planned this - but no - this was a God thing (that is the problem with a book series - you never know what is going to be relevant and what isn't.)
So, what to do. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt. I did a ministry time with preserving through the difficult times and trusting God as the focus and thought "wow, I really need prayer for this!" But there was no one to pray.
I remember an old Dylan song - "Pressing on". That's my motto for now. But I'm tired and I need help. More later.....
Interesting article over at Practical Theology for Women. Wendy is discussing the popularity of the Twilight series and now the 50 Shades of Gray books. This quote really got me:
After 3 waves of feminism, countless laws, and much education, there
remain millions of women who'd run after the sulky vampire in their
fantasies, choosing to suck blood for the rest of their lives rather
than living in the light.
I was writing last month about the concept of a more masculine Christianity. One of the problems that I have with that concept is what I view as the embracing of the curse (something that I want to expand upon later.) Wendy seems to see this as well, but of course from the other side. It got me thinking about what exploitation looks like and how we just seem to think that it is a normal part of society. More on this later.
It's been a rough few weeks around here computer wise. It all started about two weeks ago. There was this cup of water - and then there was Cindy's computer - and then....well lets just say the two did not mix well. The water seemed to some how short out her keyboard and make her computer unusable. Luckily, I was able to get into the hard drive and recover most of her files. But the incident left us one computer short. Cindy does most of the administrative work for the church, so she needs a computer to do her thing. Like the good husband I am, I quickly created her a sign-on on my laptop and recreated her desktop on my computer. Problem solved, we will just share a computer.
Who am I kidding - share a computer in this day and age. I never realized how dependent I was on my computer. Yes, I know that I can do a lot on my smart phone but there was so much more that I needed a computer for (like blogging ;) ). I was going through withdrawal. I would just sit there - looking at her use my computer. Envying the time that she had with it - coveting it - desiring it. It made me batty (did I mention that it was my computer?) I needed to get my hands on a computer and soon!
I figured I had a couple of options. First, there was that old Dell that I rebuilt as a Linux box a few months ago. I could use that. Granted, it was slow and tended to get hung up every 30 minutes or so, but it was better then nothing. Just for e-mail and writing it should be fine. The problem was that I put it away somewhere after my last trip - and for the life of me I didn't remember where that was. I tore my desk area apart, I tore my room apart, I tore the place where I keep all my computer parts apart - no Dell!
It was about here that the shakes started......but wait, there was another solution. When I rebuilt all of the church computer I created a desktop Linux box. I could use that! It even had a lot of power as well. There was only one problem. It was set up in Emily's room and she was home from school and living in her room. I needed to create a place where I could set it up. So I convinced my wife that we needed to reorganize our family room / piano area / school room and create some "office space" for me. I quickly got to work and gutted the entire area. I created a nook for myself and set up the desktop. A mini office - I was beside myself. I booted up the computer and set everything up (e-mail, calendar, etc.). I went to bed extremely happy that night.
The next morning I woke up and went to my office. I pressed the power button on the computer and.....and.....and.....and.....it crashed. Something failed. It would not boot back up! Tears started welling up in my eyes. It was not fair. I went through all the stages of grief. I was in shock. This couldn't be happening. I hurt all over. What was I doing wrong? I got mad. I tried to make deals with God to get me a computer. And then I just gave up. I got depressed. I was disconnected from the world wide web. I felt alone. Finally, the weekend came. I grabbed my computer from my wife and wrote my sermon - complaining the entire time that we needed to figure something out long term. This was not going to work. But then on Saturday night, a miracle happened.
My Dell appeared! It wasn't much, but it was something. I booted it up and it worked (it's still working, I'm on it right now!) As I went to the home screen, I discovered that there was a new version of Mint available (Mint 13). I downloaded it and created a bootable DVD. Of course, it didn't work on the Dell (processor and video card are way too slow) but maybe it might work on the desktop downstairs. I put the DVD in (Mint 13 with the Cinnamon desktop) and miraculously - it booted up. I installed the new operating system and it works (BTW - I've only played with it for a few hours but I really like the Cinnamon desktop a lot).
I know that I am just buying time with the desktop. I realize that the hard drive is the issue and that I probably need to replace it (the sooner the better). But at least it seems to be working (along with my old notebook). So here is where I am as of today: Cindy is using my HP laptop. I figure as long as the Linux machines are working, I only need it to sync my iPod every week or so. I think I can do most of my writing and e-mail on the Dell Inspiron 600m laptop (running Linux Mint 12 LXDE) and the more complicated stuff on the Desktop (running Linux Mint 13 Cinnamon). I'll need to get used to using LibreOffice but that shouldn't be much of an issue. But what I really need to do is pray that everything stays up and running - and keep those cups of water far away!!!
I had a chance to catch a sneak peek of the new Darren Wilson film Father of Lights. This is the third film in his trilogy (Finger of God and Furious Love were the fist two) and in my opinion, the best. The film will be going out on tour over the summer. This will be an event that you do not want to miss. Check out this link for more details. Until then, here are two trailers for the film.
As I mentioned in my last post, I want to unpack some thoughts from the conversation that I had a few weeks back. The first thing that struck me was the differences in Jesus. My friend complained on how in the Vineyard, we keep talking (singing) about loving Jesus and intimacy with Jesus. He claimed that guys don't want that, they want the warrior Jesus. I found this both odd and indicative of who we have become in the church.
Genesis 1:26-27 talks about how God created us in his own image. "Then God said, "Let us make man in our own image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." N.T. Wright has an interesting perspective to the creation story. He looks at it as a temple narrative. The earth is God's temple and the creation days are the courts around the temple. In the center of most temples are an image of the god that the temple is worshiping. This image is to represent that particular god. We are placed in the center of this temple, as God's image bearers (I'm still taking time to process some of this, but this gives a lot more meaning to the parables of the talents. For more on this, see N.T. Wright's book "How God Became King: The Forgotten Story of the Gospel".) The key to this verse is that we were made into the image of God. Now we all know the rest of the story. By chapter 3 of Genesis, God's image bearers become corrupt and are thrown out of the garden. At this point, something interesting seems to happen. We no longer seem to be fully bearing the image of God. We need to be changed to bear his image (to be reborn). That seems to be a part of God's plan in the rest of the bible. To put things back in place so to speak. But for us, instead of being changed back into God's image, it seems that it is easier to change God into our image. We not only do this to God, but we tend do this to his son as well.
When someone speaks the name of Jesus, sometimes you need to ask which Jesus they are speaking about. There is a great film clip from "Talladega Nights" where Ricky Bobby is praying to "baby Jesus". The others around the table start complaining that there are other Jesus - that he wasn't just a baby. The best quote is when he friend describes Jesus in a tuxedo tee shirt because "I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party". How many of us do the same thing - creating a Jesus in our image?
"Your OK with me"
There is one thing that I have observed through out the years. Most of us are very insecure. We want to believe that we are ok - we want to be accepted. So we seek out people who are like us, who will accept us. This is the primary reason for the existence of gangs. They are a place of acceptance for those who are members of them. We take that same mentality, and place it on Jesus. We teach in the church that we are being "transformed into being more like Jesus". On the outside, we say "amen" but on the inside, we are secretly praying that Jesus likes some of the things that we like so that we don't have to change too much. We begin to justify things to ourselves and to others. And in the process, Jesus slowly changes and begins to look more like us and less like the Jesus of the Gospels.
The good, the bad, and the son of God?
That is the first problem that I had with my friend's comment. There is a picture of a warrior Jesus in scripture (Revelations) - but for the majority of the Gospels, there is a picture of a loving King. A King who tells us to follow him. A King who tells us to love our neighbors and our enemies. A King who tells us that we shouldn't worry about judging others, that he will deal with it in his own time. Focusing only on the warrior Jesus creates a Jesus that "wipes out thousands" (I have no idea where this Jesus is found in scripture - Revelations perhaps???) and justifies a gospel of judgement. I have seen this gospel at work. I have had it preached against me. And I don't like it's fruit.
Giving new meaning to "Jesus Saves"
Now, I know that I need to be careful. In pointing out the judgment, I can also be unjustly judging (oops, back to Genesis 3). My heart is not as pure as I would like to believe it is. But perhaps that is the thing that we all need to discover. Our hearts are not as pure as we imagine. Only Jesus can transform our hearts. Only Jesus can restore that image that we were supposed to have. But for us, we need to be aware that our default is to focus on the Jesus that looks like us. We need to remember that we are the ones being transformed - not him. That can be a scary place. But it is only in that place that we can fully experience everything that Jesus has for us. But are we really willing to go there?
I had coffee the other day with an ex-member of our church who moved across country a few years back to attend a major Christian college. He was back in town for a wedding and gave me a call. He is currently attending a satellite of a large, nationally known church based out of Seattle. Our conversation was pleasant, but then at the end he said something to me that didn't sit well. He was complaining that the church (universal) had become too feminine and that is why "guys" don't like coming to church. He then used the worship music that the Vineyard has put out as an example. "It's all about intimacy - loving Jesus and all that. Guy's don't want that, they want the warrior Jesus. That intimacy stuff is too feminine. The church needs to be more masculine - the way Jesus intended it to be!" (Sorry, I'm paraphrasing here, using my own words - I don't remember the direct quote but this was the gist of it.). This really caught me off guard - so much so that I didn't respond. Instead I smiled and said something like "oh, look at the time..." Normally, I'm able to blow this stuff off, but this time it just stuck with me.
One of the requirements of being in the Vineyard is that you've got to have thick skin. We've tended to take criticism from all sides and I've learned not to take much of it personally. But this one bothered me for another reason. There is an attitude that is running through parts of the church (universal) that really disturbs me (frightens me might be a better word). On the outside, it seems pretty harmless, but deep down there are roots that can tear us all apart and perhaps even move us away from Jesus.
There is too much running in my head for just one post. I want to spend some time and unpack this a bit. Before I post my thoughts, what are yours?
In a 2007 interview with Arthur Boers, the philosopher Albert
Borgmann makes the case that television is of moral importance. Borgmann
says: “When I teach my ethics course I tell these relatively young
people that the most important decision that they’ll make about their
household is first whether they’re going to get a television and then
second where they’re going to put it.”
I think for my generation
and for the generation coming after mine, the questions could probably
be amended to (a) “Are you going to get a smartphone?” and (b) “If so,
what limits are you going to place on its use?”
These are
questions I’m asking myself right now too. I have an iPhone. Am I going
to keep it? If so, how should I limit its use? To use a science fiction
metaphor, the iPhone is a kind of portal, one that can cause me to be
mentally, emotionally, and spiritually distant, even when I’m physically
present. How often do I want to have that portal open?
This really got me thinking. I'm amazed on how I can have a busy day and not get anything accomplished because I let technology keep me busy. I find it disheartening when I consider how may times I look at my phone simply because it is there. Last year I dropped my phone and the screen shattered. It took Sprint a week to get me a replacement. I remember that week was like going through detox. I kept patting my side where my phone should be - expecting it to be there. I felt "phantom" buzzes (perhaps this is the way an amputee sometimes "feels" his missing body part). It really bothered me - so much so that I started deleting apps that were simply there to waste time.
I find it interesting that the cost of being connected to the world is to become less present to those physically around you.
I've been in Puerto Rico for the past week at our Partnership meeting. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. More post later, but until then...a message from our sponsors...
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per site -- a particularly notable discrepancy considering that there
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of adult sites were found to be infected with malware, compared to 20%
of blogs.
Why religious sites you might ask? “We hypothesize that this is because
pornographic website owners already make money from the Internet and,
as a result, have a vested interest in keeping their sites malware-free
-- it’s not good for repeat business,” said the report.
I've been speeding the past month trying to update the old computers at church. We bought "state of the art" stuff about seven years ago - meaning that they are over glorified paperweights today. I took the old Dell desktops that were running Window XP (rather poorly) and upgrade them to Linux. I've used Ubuntu before in the past, but I really don't like the new Unity desktop. This time around I've been messing with LinuxMint with the KDE desktop. I find that I really like the feel and look of it and it seems to be very stable with those old Dell's and can do pretty much everything that we need. The next challenge for me was my old Dell Inspiron 600m lap top. Last year I cannibalized my computer and Cindy's computer to try and make one lap top that was stable (I had the good hard drive and Cindy had the good motherboard) for Charlotte to use when she visited. The computer worked (somewhat) for Charlotte, although it was extremely slow and somewhat buggy (that's what I get for running an out of date XP). When I went to Puerto Rico this year, I decided to see what would happen if I turned it into a Linux box.
I installed Ubuntu on it and took it to Puerto Rico. I was just looking to get a stable computer that could check e-mail and upload some pictures to the internet. Ubuntu worked but would get stuck every now and then (also - did I mention I hate the new Unity desktop?). A few weeks ago I tried to put a KDE desktop on top of the Ubuntu system which work somewhat OK - although it seemed slow at times. Yesterday I decided to see what else I could do to it.
I blasted the hard drive and installed Kubuntu - the KDE version of Ubuntu. After fixing some video card bugs, I got it to load, only for it to continually hang up during updates. Next, I blasted the hard drive and installed Mint 12 KDE. Same update issues (which is funny, considering that there were no problems with Mint 12 KDE on the desktops.) Finally, I tried Mint 12 LXDE. This computer has been working like a charm ever since (this is actually the computer that I'm writing this post on).
All this reminds me of the good old days when I was a computer geek in High School playing with my good old Commodore Vic 20. It only had 4k worth of memory (expandable to 16k) but who could want more? It was so state of the art - with it's cassette recorder storage and a 300k modem- even William Shatner loved it. Oh - those were the days!
