Last few days
It's been a busy last couple of days. I thought I had it all figured out when I woke up on Friday morning. I was going to spend the morning reading (preparing for this weekends VLI class) then work on my sermon in the afternoon then attended Classic Movie Night. Well, all that fell apart with a call from Oak Crest. My dad took a fall late Thursday night. He seems to forget that he can't walk. The nurse called and said that he was complaining of pain in his hip. So it was off to the hospital. After x-rays, CAT scans, and several hours it was determined that he had indeed broke his hip and that he needed surgery (nothing major, just a few screws). The surgery would be at 9:00am Saturday morning and that it wouldn't take much longer then an hour or two.
Well, I got most of my reading done in the ER, so I figured that I would listen to my VLI intensive during the surgery, then get to the church in the afternoon, watch the rest of the intensive with everyone else and then work on my sermon tonight. Well, 9:00 turned to 11:00, which then turned to noon. They finally came to take him around 1:00....off to the waiting room. They were supposed to call me once he went into surgery. Having issues with the epidural, he did not start surgery till close to 3:00, out at 4:00, in recovery, and finally to his room for 5:00.
I ended up listening to all of the intensive and starting some of my sermon in the waiting room. It's 9:15 at night and I have finally finished it (here in my office). I'm not sure how good it will be, I don't feel like I gave it the time I wanted to. It's nights like this when I know it is all about Jesus and not about me. My prayer tonight will be "Holy Spirit HELP!". The beautiful thing is that He always does.
I'm starting to learn about trusting God. Today's intensive really spoke to that, but I've been hearing it from God a lot. When I first started thinking about ministry so many years ago I was always worried that I wouldn't be a good enough speaker or charismatic enough (both spiritually and socially). When I was doing my internship I quickly learned that when ever I depended on me I tended to fail. I've discovered that in reality I am not a good enough speaker, I am not charismatic enough, I'm not a very good leader, and my gathering skills aren't all that great. I've learned that I can not trust in me. And amazingly once I stop depending on myself, God comes and consistently provides. For the past two months the sermons that I have spoken are completely different then the sermons that I wrote. God has been able to overcome my weakness, ignorance and poor oratory skills to say what he wants to say. I have learned that for me, it can't just be lip service....I have no other option then to trust God.
I say this simply because that is where I am with my parents. I am at a loss on why things have happened as they have. I sat with my dad today and he looked terrible. Arthritis has caused him to look deformed. His heart has issues. His mind is lost. He looked at me this morning and said (in a dementia induced babble) that he knows I am not his son. He said it repeatedly. He said that he wanted to call the FBI to have them take me away. I know it's babble, but still...
I looked at him and wondered why? Why is this happening to both of my parents. I feel so weak and unprepared. But yet I know that I am not in control. That God is. That there is a reason for this, even though I may never know it. I also know that because he is in control, and because he loves me, he will take care on me. I am his son. I am not a bastard. I am not an orphan. I am my Father's son. That is all I really need.
Well, I got most of my reading done in the ER, so I figured that I would listen to my VLI intensive during the surgery, then get to the church in the afternoon, watch the rest of the intensive with everyone else and then work on my sermon tonight. Well, 9:00 turned to 11:00, which then turned to noon. They finally came to take him around 1:00....off to the waiting room. They were supposed to call me once he went into surgery. Having issues with the epidural, he did not start surgery till close to 3:00, out at 4:00, in recovery, and finally to his room for 5:00.
I ended up listening to all of the intensive and starting some of my sermon in the waiting room. It's 9:15 at night and I have finally finished it (here in my office). I'm not sure how good it will be, I don't feel like I gave it the time I wanted to. It's nights like this when I know it is all about Jesus and not about me. My prayer tonight will be "Holy Spirit HELP!". The beautiful thing is that He always does.
I'm starting to learn about trusting God. Today's intensive really spoke to that, but I've been hearing it from God a lot. When I first started thinking about ministry so many years ago I was always worried that I wouldn't be a good enough speaker or charismatic enough (both spiritually and socially). When I was doing my internship I quickly learned that when ever I depended on me I tended to fail. I've discovered that in reality I am not a good enough speaker, I am not charismatic enough, I'm not a very good leader, and my gathering skills aren't all that great. I've learned that I can not trust in me. And amazingly once I stop depending on myself, God comes and consistently provides. For the past two months the sermons that I have spoken are completely different then the sermons that I wrote. God has been able to overcome my weakness, ignorance and poor oratory skills to say what he wants to say. I have learned that for me, it can't just be lip service....I have no other option then to trust God.
I say this simply because that is where I am with my parents. I am at a loss on why things have happened as they have. I sat with my dad today and he looked terrible. Arthritis has caused him to look deformed. His heart has issues. His mind is lost. He looked at me this morning and said (in a dementia induced babble) that he knows I am not his son. He said it repeatedly. He said that he wanted to call the FBI to have them take me away. I know it's babble, but still...
I looked at him and wondered why? Why is this happening to both of my parents. I feel so weak and unprepared. But yet I know that I am not in control. That God is. That there is a reason for this, even though I may never know it. I also know that because he is in control, and because he loves me, he will take care on me. I am his son. I am not a bastard. I am not an orphan. I am my Father's son. That is all I really need.
